An Atonement of Sorts
by renascence
Summary: All it takes is the flick of the wrist, and the love of your life is gone. Established TamaKyo. Please review.


_Disclaimer: I don't own OHSHC._

_Author's Note: This is my take on something i've been thinking about a while. "what if Tamaki hit Kyoya?" tell me what you think in the reviews! I'm sorry it's so long, but it didn't feel right to have it so short._

_'word'- flashback_

_"word"-conscious_

_**word**_- emphasis

tick tock is the clock. it's used as a sym- you guys will figure it out. you guys are geniuses.

_An Atonement of Sorts_

_Tick-tock_

_Tick-tock_

_Tick-tock_

Tamaki covered his ear, desperately trying to stop guilt from invading into him. The harsh sound of his lover's insult still rang loudly through his head, no matter how hard he tried to block out the sound.

'_Well you're wrong. That's the problem with you, Tamaki. You're so naïve, trusting so whole heartedly that you never expect something bad to happen. NOTHING EVER IS AS SIMPLE AS THAT! You want to know why we can't dress up as western characters? Serve tea? Why we can't even HOST PROPERLY? It's because of__you__! YOU Tamaki! You're the problem!'_

How he wishes he could go back in time to that moment to prevent himself from formulating a horrible response! He ran a shaking hand through his restless blonde locks, tousling them even further. It seemed as though Kyoya was the only one that could rile him up this badly. Tamaki had never felt such a strong urge to strangle someone before this incidence.

If only he had been able to control himself, to contain the sudden urge, he would not be wallowing in guilt at the moment. But Tamaki knew what he did was unforgivable, and that things couldn't possibly be the same between them after this.

What he did… Thinking back on it causes a rush of pain to assault him, weighing heavily in his chest like lead.

_'Take a look at yourself Kyoya; you barely know what goes on while we're hosting! You just sit around and type on your laptop. The rare moments when you DO decide to become social, you just stand around and write in that damn notebook. You want to know why our sales haven't peaked recently? It's YOUR fault! No wonder why you'll never inherit anything of your father's; your business skills are apalling!'_

The blonde knows he can never forgive himself for causing such a pained look to appear on his lover's face.

_Tick-tock_

'Hmph… Says the illegitimate child, whose own mother and father could care less for him.'

*slap*

The harsh sound of his hand hitting the soft skin that he adored so much- how it hurt! The force of his smack had caused Kyoya to sprawl onto the floor, his face showing shock and pain.

'K-Kyoya...' The blonde stumbled, his graceful posture tensing. His jaw slackened as his mind caught up to what had happened; he couldn't believe he had hurt his love physically and mentally.

Tamaki knew Kyoya was hurt at his remark, but had he needed to be so damn _cruel_ with his response? He was at a true loss, his feelings conflicting with each other and clouding his mind.

The blonde stretched out a slightly shaking hand, trying to find a way to apologize.

Kyoya's lips trembled but no sounds came out. He stared hard at the hand of his love, yearning to grab onto it, to pretend that nothing just happened. But he couldn't. This was the same hand that Tamaki had just slapped him with…

Kyoya crawled backwards, stumbling onto his feet and running out the door.

Tamaki cursed to himself as he watched his lover scramble to run out of the room. It was as though he were running away from a monster.

_A monster…_

Did this make him a monster, even though Kyoya started the fight? He did not feel as though it were too much of an overreaction.

"_It's an overreaction when it's your lover."_

The blonde scrubbed his hands over his teary face, trying to clear his head. He needed to think of some way to make this up to Kyoya.

So here Tamaki found himself 2 hours later, sitting cross-legged in the middle of the very same room where he had hit his love. He stared blankly at the laptop Kyoya had left behind in his haste to escape.

He knows he should have listened to his conscience, should have been able to control himself, but dammit! Did Kyoya have to be so annoyingly _right_ all the time? Deep down, Tamaki thinks that maybe the reason why he insists on calling Haruhi his daughter is because he never had the best home life. His mother and father weren't the greatest, but they still showed small signs of love and support, even if his grandmother's 'approval' mattered more.

Tamaki's constant need of assurance was a way of coping, in a sense. He couldn't really pin point how it helped him, but the feeling of acceptance always made him feel happy.

'…_illegitimate child…'_

The blunt title was correct- he _was_ an illegitimate child. So why had it felt like a hot poker was stabbed through his chest?

Of course Kyoya was going to annoy him sometimes, and off course they both would occasionally say things that they didn't really mean. Their relationship worked well _because_ of their imperfections.

Without allowing himself to think about what he was doing, Tamaki called his driver and prepared to leave for Kyoya's house. He tucked the forgotten laptop under his arm and breathed heavily.

The blonde was determined to fix this, no matter what.

Kyoya angrily wiped at the tears that continued to pour from his eyes. How else could he respond to this?

"_It was nothing that you didn't expect."_

Tamaki had not only slapped him, but also accused him of causing their sales to plumet. After all the hours Kyoya had spent at the Club, the hours of grueling work he subjected himself to... _this_ was how he was treated?

Did everyone perceive him this way; could Tamaki be speaking the truth? Was he really that 'unsocial' with the guests?

"_Well there was those couple of weeks when you…"_

"I know." Kyoya whispered to himself, biting at his thumb.

He would much rather not think about those weeks. But Kyoya knew that he might as well confess to himself that he never will win the 'game' as he liked to call it. He knew he wasn't as great as his brothers. He was still in high school, after all, he had almost no connections…

But none of these reasons could placate Kyoya's overwhelming fear.

_He couldn't breathe._

_The room was spinning._

_He watched helplessly as Tamaki kissed Haruhi deeply. Kyoya let out a sharp whimper, unable to form words. Tamaki just laughed cruelly, cradling Haruhi in his arms as he looked down upon Kyoya. "Did you really think I loved you? Don't be so naïve."_

_His heart broke, making it nearly impossible to breathe. Bitter tears fell down his face as he watched Haruhi place her arms around Tamaki's waist, similar to how Kyoya himself would embrace him. "Why would Tamaki want an imitation of me when he could have the real thing? There is no need for you any longer sempai!" Kyoya eyes widened in shock as Haruhi broke into a cruel smile. He couldn't feel anything except for an overwhelming sense of dread. He turned to the blonde, desperately seeking affirmation._

"_But..but you told me-" His words were cut off as Tamaki rolled his eyes._

"_I told you a lie. Everyone lies Kyoya. I never loved you, so get over it." He spoke his cruel words slowly, as if the raven haired boy were slow. Tamaki leaned over and kissed the girl's cheek, keeping his eyes locked with Haruhi. She let out a snort as she watched the pathetic boy._

_She grabbed the blonde's hand and went to leave._

Kyoya knew it was a silly recurring dream- he _knew_ it. But he still couldn't shake off the fear of Tamaki leaving him for Haruhi. He had worked too hard for the blonde, he had worked too hard from _them._He could bearely bring himself to speak, let alone act 'social' around a girl who may be in love with his boyfriend.

_HIS._

He had finally found someone in the world that was all his, someone who made him happy, someone that cared enough to listen to him complain, someone who was sweet enough to put up with his rants.

He couldn't stand to have this happiness be taken away from him like so many other things in his life. He knew it was irrational to think like this, to stop analyzing every little detail so critically. He moaned dejectedly, rolling on his bed to check the time. The analog clock of his stereo read 8:49.

Had it really been 3 hours since _then?_ Time seemed to go by so quickly these days.

Kyoya rolled back onto his back, sinking into his bed once again and staring at the ceiling. The familiar scene played through his head over and over again.

_Slap!_

_Slap!_

_Slap!_

He watched over and over again as the slaps echoed off of the walls. He watched as Tamaki's face froze into a look of panic.

He watched, as though a mere observer, as he had shake. He watched himself relive his nightmare over and over again, the feeling of betrayal and pain never lessening.

His heat thumped louder at the mere thought of Tamaki, his palms glistening with sweat. When had he become so scared of his lover? Kyoya wasn't too sure, but he knew what he had said was a mistake, what Tamaki said was a mistake, and the slap was too. Still, Kyoya couldn't understand had made Tamaki lose control so badly.

Did he really not want to be around him? Did he love Haruhi? Did he hate Kyoya? Question after question bombarded his exhausted mind. He yearned to call his sister; she always knew what to do in situations like this. He could just imagine her shock and subsequent questioning, taking notes and letting out shocked breathes at the correct times. He laughed wistfully.

He'd better not, though. Fuyumi was most likely too busy to be bothered with his trifling problems.

Just like everyone else.

Tamaki smoothed out his hair and wiped any traces of tears off his face in the side length mirror of the limo. This had to go well, or else all was lost. He hoped Kyoya would at least be willing to let him in and explain.

The short ride to the boy's home was one of the most terrifying rides Tamaki had ever sat through. He nervously pulled at the hem of his dress shirt, walking up to Kyoya's door cautiously. This HAD to go well; he had a lot at stake on this moment. He gripped the newly purchased laptop anxiously as he rang the doorbell.

The maid smiled as she answered and opened the door for him. She ushered Tamaki in the warm home, then rushed down the hall to get to Kyoya's room. Tamaki tightened his grip on the new laptop anxiously. He thought to make amends, he would buy Kyoya a new laptop. It was the least he could do.

His breath caught in his throat as he heard quiet, familiar footsteps enter into the foyer. His eyes glistened again as he watched the boy stop at least 4 feet away from him. It was a sad reminder that shot a stab of loneliness through his heart.

Shaking off his fear, he licked his lips in preparation to what he was going to say.

"Kyoya-!"

"Walk with me to my room." Kyoya's head was bent, preventing Tamaki from getting a read on the boy's emotions. The very act was killing Tamaki- he wanted to embrace him, to caress the silky white skin he adored so much, and just forget all that had happened.

But he couldn't.

Without another word Tamaki obediently followed Kyoya into the luxurious room, neither quite knowing what was on the other's mind.

Kyoya quietly shut the door, his eyes never leaving the ground. Tension filled the room as Tamaki sat down wearily in the desk chair.

"Kyoya. . . I didn't mean it. I got so angry that I wasn't even aware- I'm so sorry." Tamaki's eyes spilled over with tear as his normally soothing voice cracked. The Shadow King still didn't have the courage to look him in the eye, though.

The only thing that Tamaki got as an answer was silence.

Tamaki thought his heart would break at the sound.

"I got you a new laptop… I know it's not much, but I just feel horrible. I just . . . god, Kyoya! I'm so sorry!" The blonde stuttered out, his tears making his throat clog. He didn't care that he was crying so hard, or that Kyoya obviously wanted them to be over

He just wanted forgiveness from the boy he loved.

He wanted to be forgiven for what he'd said and done. He knew it was wrong to slap the poor boy, but he also knew if he begged long enough Kyoya would want to forgive him. Having his forgiveness would allow Tamaki to breathe just a little bit easier.

"But you were right, Kyoya- !"

"No. I'm not right. I was wrong." Kyoya stated dully. He finally lifted his head to look at the other boy crying pitifully before him. Tamaki bit his lip in anticipation, wondering where Kyoya was taking this.

When they looked into each other's eyes, Tamaki saw something surprising- he saw relief in those mocha eyes he had come to love so much. He never expected the boy to be relieved; if anything, he had expected to be kicked out of the house and never spoken to again.

Kyoya smiled shyly at Tamaki, though it was 100% genuine. He reached out and took the present from the blonde's arms, carefully unwrapping the wrapping paper. He didn't disturb the quiet, acting as though he enjoyed the atmosphere.

But the weird thing was. . .

He did.

Kyoya eyes widened at the sight of the new laptop. Compared to his old one, this one was much more advancer and held a lot more data than the other. He gently held the new laptop to his chest and smiled gratefully to himself.

"Thank you Tamaki." He whispered into the thin atmosphere. The blonde, who had been silent through the unwrapping, murmured out quiet, polite 'you're welcome'.

Kyoya felt like an ass. He hoped desperately that the dreams were nothing more than silly fantasies his brain had created. Tamaki wasn't going to leave him.

…Right? The dream had been very realistic, and it certainly was plausible…

No. Kyoya shook his head, ignoring the questioning look on Tamaki's face.

What if…Haruhi really did love him? She had looked a bit starry-eyed lately around the blonde… But she wouldn't, right?

She didn't know for sure that the two were dating, but there was still enough evidence to assume they _were_. Then again, Tamaki had never told Haruhi they were together… Would he take advantage of the opportunity if she ever came on to him?

The students looked into the other's eyes as the awkward silence seemed to suffocate them both.

"K-Kyoya?" Tamaki's voice broke him out of his thoughts. "I know that this ", he motioned to the laptop "doesn't make up for what I did, but I just hope you look at it as a start. What I did was completely unforgivable and I understand if you don't want to be together anymore."

Why couldn't he say how he felt, dammit! Was he afraid of a reaction, of a rejection? A swell of anger surged through Kyoya.

Why the hell did the blonde have to be so fucking _sweet?_ WHY?

"Why are you so damn nice to me? I yell at you every single day, I lose my patience with you almost all the time, and I constantly insult your intelligence. I don't understand it." Kyoya murmured softly, as if he was talking to himself.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed in frustration. When he felt that he had regained his composure, he looked to the blonde.

Tamaki was neither smiling nor frowning, seemingly deep in thought.

The mean side of Kyoya hoped the blonde was coming to his senses and would just dump him already. He was a horrible lover at the best of times; he never showed affection, never once initiated a kiss or told him he loved him. He didn't even treat the blonde nicely. Part of Kyoya knew that he shouldn't keep stringing the other boy around so carelessly, but the selfish, needy part just didn't care about Tamaki's pain.

"I'm not angry at you Kyoya. I could never hurt you intentionally. I mean, I always thought you were just being Kyoya. So I just thought I'd act like that so you wouldn't think otherwise." He said carefully. This was a sensitive subject, he could tell.

"But why? Why are you so trusting and so..so..-!"

"Caring?", Tamaki finished off.

Kyoya nodded, he rubbed the side of the laptop. He suddenly felt so… vulnerable.

"Because I love **you,**Kyoya! I love every little thing about you! I love your voice when you get really mad. Like that one time when I came by before 12 and you freaked out and we-!"

"Yeah. I get the idea, Tamaki." Kyoya cut him off hastily. This was turning into a reminiscence of old times.

"I love you Kyoya."

"I know."

"Really I do!"

"Tamaki."

"Sorry! I just- Can I hug you?"

"…"

"I'll take that as a yes!" The blonde tackled the boy to the soft mattress and laid his head on his stomach, wrapping his arms tightly around the boy as though never wanting to let go.

Kyoya sighed, smiling ruefully. Same old Tamaki.

Some things will never change, and for that, he was utterly grateful.

**2 weeks later**

Kyoya took out his laptop and began to type up the notes he had taken for the Host Club's schedule. It was a Tuesday after school, and he was alone in the room. Again. It would be 20 more minutes until he was joined by the rest of the members of the Host Club. Today had been a genuinely slow day, no homework to attend to, and no over spending. It was safe to say the past 2 weeks had been oddly normal between _them_.

There wasn't much yelling anymore, or screaming. Things were sane between them; Tamaki was acting different, sort of oddly. Though Kyoya had not fully forgiven the blonde for slapping him, he decided to forget about it and move on.

He couldn't relax every time _she_ came by, though. The student knew this was just plain silly, but he had this overwhelming feeling that the brunette was out to break them up, just so she could finally have him.

No. Haruhi was a nice girl that came from a very unfortunate home life. A girl that seemed to have all the members wrapped around her fingers pretty well… She seemed out to ruin him it seemed. The way she would jump at a chance to help the blonde…

Okay, maybe Tamaki had asked her for a bit of help..

BUT still that bitch was asking for it. He was certain!

When she least expected it, he would attack. He had to.

And how could he not? That little liar had her arms around Tamaki's waist like he was hers! HERS! Tamaki belonged to him and only him!

He really needed to stop this; the dream was tearing him apart. Every night he'd wake up, tears flowing down his cheeks, so badly shaken that he could not go back to sleep. Maybe these dreams are a sign of something…

Bam! The abandoned music room's door opened violently, and out popped the lively optimistic blonde that Kyoya had come to love (but don't tell Tamaki that).

"Kyoya!"

"…Hi Tamaki." The boy was busily typing away, attempting to act nonchalant.

The blonde pouted at the sad expression that remained on the raven haired boy's face.

"Awh, what's got you so down Kyoya. You've been like this since…"

"I don't know what you're talking about." The shadow king replied half-heartedly, trying to stall this inevitable conversation. There was a time for everything, and right now this was not the time. He was tired and he just wanted to get these reports finished. He didn't care about anything else at this point.

"You do though! Why don't you trust me, Kyoya?" Tamaki whispered, his eyes widened pitifully. Kyoya almost felt guilty inside…almost.

"Why did you hit me?"

There was a tense silence that filmed the room.

Tamaki bit his lip and took a deep breath, as though he wanted to speak.

Silence followed.

"What I did that day was completely out of line. I can't change what I did, Kyoya, and you know that. I thought we already talked about this and had moved on." The blonde moved over to take a seat on the couch next to the student.

Kyoya kept his eyes on the laptop without typing, knowing that saying what was on his mind wasn't going to make him feel any better.

Tamaki sighed and put his head on the raven haired boy's shoulder. "I'm guessing you're not going to say anything else?"

"…."

"C'mon Kyoya. Talk to me."

"…."

"Please?"

"…."

Tamaki poked Kyoya's thigh insistently.

"I really want to hear what you have to say. You know I didn't mean it, riiiight?"

"Yes."

"Great. Now we're talking again!"

"…."

"Kyoya. I'm being serious."

"Me too."

"Okay. You know what? When you're done being childish come and find me." Tamaki snapped, having lost his patience with the standoffish student. He could only deal with so much at one time- he had done everything he could possibly think of to erase what had happen. If Kyoya wanted to hang it over his head, then Kyoya could deal with it himself

"Why? So I can find you tangled in _Haruhi's_ arms?" The bitter question caused Tamaki to stop short in the middle of the room and turn around.

"Haruhi? What are you talking about?"

"I find it really odd when a person cares more for how they look in front of a girl instead of their own boyfriend. Don't you agree?" Kyoya rambled, his eyes still trained on the laptop but his hands clenched into fists.

"If this is about Haruhi..."

"I mean what is so fucking special about her. Really! So what she's poor and she got into an elite academy for rich people? SO what! I mean she's not like special or anything so why does every one seem to dote on her so much?"

"Kyoya, calm dow-"

"By all means, if you want her, take her. I won't stand in your way!"

"Mon amour, you're acting really weird, please calm down."

"I wonder if you would say Haruhi acts weird…"

"Kyoya!"

Tamaki slapped a hand over the boy's mouth, ending his agitated ramblings.

"I really don't know what you're talking about but when I take my hand off your mouth, I want you to be quiet, alright?"

Kyoya nodded, his eyes still downcast.

"Okay." Tamaki slid his hand back to his side.

As Kyoya returned to typing, the sound did little to intrude upon the awkward silence that followed.

"Now, will you tell what has been bothering you?"

"… Do you think of her?"

"_Haruhi?_ Kyoya, I don't think of her. I think of you."

"Do you think of her in the shower?"

"No Kyoya."

"Not even in your bed when you're masturbating?"

Tamaki flushed scarlet, a bit taken aback by Kyoya's bluntness. He replied a shaky 'no.'

"Hmph."

Tap! Tap! Tap!

Tamaki watched as the raven haired boy calculated god knows what else in his head. Suddenly, he grabbed both of Kyoya's hands, stopping them from doing anything else.

"We need to talk now- no more beating around the bush. No using Haruhi to express your insecurities, no blaming people for god knows what."

Kyoya sighed and pushed up his glasses. He folded his hands on his lap as he watched the blonde closed his laptop gently, taking care not to damage it.

"Now, why are you jealous of Haruhi?"

"I'm not jealous."

"Yes, you are."

"…"

"Kyoya."

"I'm not jealous of that dumb whore!"

"She's not a whore."

"I bet you'd know." Kyoya answered bitterly, his frustration boiling over. Why the hell wasn't Tamaki leaving him alone, for once?

"Nope. I have no clue, I'm too busy with you."

"You're not busy."

"Oh, my love, but I am."

"….Idiot.."

"I love you Kyoya."

"But you love Haruhi more!" The lack of sleep he had been suffering from for the past 2 weeks was clouding Kyoya's judgment.

"No. I love you and only you."

"…..Don't lie."

"I'm not lying. Now will you look at me for once?" Tamaki took the boy's chin and lifted it, attempting to make eye contact. Defiantly, Kyoya kept his eyes down.

Tamaki sighed.

"I want you to tell me why you're so mad at Haruhi. That's all."

"…."

"I just want you to be happy Kyoya." He gently let go of the boy's chin, ducking his head down to try and get eye contact.

"I'd be happy if you didn't lie to me."

"Lie to you? I've never lied to you! I always tell you the truth. I-!"

"You told me you'd never hurt me intentionally."

"But I haven't!"

"You have! You lied to me!" Kyoya screamed at the blonde. He stood up in an attempt to make himself seem more imposing.

"I haven't-!"

"YOU HAVE! You lied about Haruhi and you're lying right now! I-I just.." Kyoya stopped mid way in his rant. He turned his back to the blonde with a lost look in his eyes.

"You just...?" Tamaki gently asked the boy.

"I just wish I wasn't a replacement for Haruhi." He whispered out, a tear flowed down his cheek. He had finally let it out, and only felt marginally better.

There was a dead silence as Tamaki took this time to register in his mind what Kyoya meant by this.

"You...You think you're a replacement, Kyoya?" He asked gently, neither teasing nor harsh. He got off the couch and wrapped his arms softly around the boy's waist.

Embarrassed, Kyoya bent his head, preventing Tamaki from seeing the boy's face.

"You could never be a replacement, Kyoya. Never."

"You say that now, but what if you fall in love with her?"

"But I'm won't, Kyoya. I'm in love with you! Only you." When Kyoya lifted his head, he couldn't miss the traces of love he saw in the blonde's eyes.

Tamaki turned the boy around slowly and kissed him.

Though they may not have been the healthiest couple, Kyoya couldn't bring himself to care. This was what is right for them, and he wouldn't have it any other way.

Kyoya broke off the kiss, wrapping his arms around the blonde's shoulders and leaning in closely.

"You know, I'm actually starting to love you." He whispered softly, nestling his head closer into Tamaki's chest.

Things were alright between them.

Author's Note: How'd you like it? PLEASE REVIEW! I'd love you guys forever and ever. And hey, I found out i have readers all the way in the Philippines! HII people in Philippines! okay. guys thanks for reading/viewing/faving/reviewing!

REVIEW and baby animals will live that way forever.


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